Michiru's Amesia
by Trixxie
Summary: As the title says- I rated it M for some...well... I hope you enjoy it.. it's one of my favorites.
1. Chapter 1

I never do this: Disclaimer – I don't own sailor moon or any of the characters

I never do this: Disclaimer – I don't own sailor moon or any of the characters. But man if I did!! I am nothing but a fan, in love with these characters. Please feel free to review, I enjoy reading them. Thanks.

I hear a voice softly next to me, a child I assume she's calling her mother. I slowly open my eyes letting the room come into focus. I'm right; there is a child next to me, her violet eyes drilling into mine. 'Mama.' She says apparently to me. I look her over, pained that I have no recollection of this child. 'Do you remember me today?' she asks lightly trying to crawl onto the bed. I frown, whoever this girl is she obviously thinks I'm her mother.

'Hotaru.' A stern voice comes from the door and I look around finally at the room. Hmm hospital.

'She doesn't remember.' The young girl says still trying to climb onto my bed.

'That's alright.' The voice says gently, entering the room. I glance at the door to see a young man, short blond hair, deep blue eyes. He's attractive I think.

'Good morning.' He says to me his smile is kind.

'Hello.' I manage unsure of my own voice.

'How are you feeling?' he lifts the child from the floor and into his arms. She pouts a little, but soon makes herself comfortable.

'I don't know, how should I feel?' even as I ask the question I realize it's silly. He laughs.

'How is she?' a new voice asks pushing the door to my room open. A tall, tanned lady with strangely long green hair is standing in the door way.

'Same.' The man answers.

'Too bad.' The girl with the green hair replies taking the chair across from me. Suddenly I come to the conclusion these people might have the wrong room.

'Excuse me.' I say softly almost in a whisper I have their attention now, all three of them are looking at me, wide eyed. 'Who are you?' the boy laughs and the child joins him, while the lady with the green hair shoots them a look of distress.

'I'm so sorry Michiru.' She starts and I assume she's talking to me. 'You were in an accident and you've lost your memory. I'm Setsuna, that's Haruka and the child is Hotaru.' The girl with the green hair introduces and I smile.

'I'm Michiru.' I say softly trying to find something in my memory that registers that as my name. An accident, I ponder. 'What kind of accident?' I ask the child is now frowning; tears are forming in her eyes. I wonder why she's suddenly so worried.

'The kind that causes memory loss.' The boy answers flatly.

'Papa, I'm hungry.' The child says tears finding their way out of her eyes and down her cheek.

'I'll take her.' The woman I now know to be Setsuna offers, they nod to each other and Setsuna takes the child's hand and they leave the room.

'How long?' I ask when I am sure the child has gone.

'For what?' the boy answers me, looking anywhere but at me.

'How long have I been like this?'

'Three weeks.' He answers me. 'The doctors are hopeful. Every morning we start over. We spend the day telling you about your life and in the end we hope you remember some of it the next day. They suggest we act as normal as possible in hope that you'll just snap out of it.'

'What could have happened to me?' I ask wondering if it was a physical or psychological trauma.

'You hit your head.' He says not too graphically. 'Rather hard.'

'Oh.' I say looking into myself for any type of memory but I am at a loss, it's a blank slate. Soon we are not alone; the child is back with Setsuna. They hand me a cup the child is beaming again and I'm glad to see her no longer sad. 'You're favorite.' She explains pointing to the cup. I take a sip, it's a strange taste but I don't dislike it.

'Tea.' The boy smiles sipping his own. It's then I realize the child too has a strange look about her, violet eyes with more of a purple then black color to her hair. I raise my hand to my hair and pull it forward staring at the aqua hue that is my hair. The child and the boy laugh again, I think I like the sound of their laughter, it makes the room bright. Setsuna moves to the window and pulls open the curtains. 'Alright Michiru, where should we start?' she asks and I already forget that she's talking to me. After a moment of silence the child pokes me softly. 'Mama, where to start?' she asks.

We spend the day together, they tell me of my life. They tell me I'm an accomplished violinist, and painter. I live with the child and the boy, I assume he's my husband or boyfriend but the title is never brought up. Doctors are in and out of my room checking my vital signs and chatting with the adults. I catch only parts of the conversation. I can go home if I can remember anything from the previous day. Hotaru is sitting at the edge of my bed; she too is straining to hear the doctor. I'm sad when the nurse tells my visitors that their time for the day has ended. The child kisses my cheek softly and jumps off the bed into the waiting arms of Haruka.

'Good night Michiru.' He says to me I can see that he's distressed at leaving but he hides it.

'We'll see you tomorrow.' Setsuna nods joining the pair at the door. I close my eyes, hoping to remember their faces tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

I could hear the faint sound of footsteps outside my room, my eyes flickering at the dim light breaking its way in

I could hear the faint sound of footsteps outside my room, my eyes flickering at the dim light breaking its way in. I'm not alone anymore, someone is here.

'Good morning.'

'Hi.' I say, something about her is familiar. The door to my room is again pushed opened I look over to see the same smiling young girl I saw the day before. Joy over takes me and I remember her.

'Mama.' She says. 'Do you remember me today?' She is again trying to climb onto my bed. A smile flushes my face as I look at her.

'I do Hotaru.' I say to her and she freezes her face unsure.

'Papa.' She yells rushing from my bed and out the door. The tall woman is beside me now, she's pretty, I didn't notice that the day before, she's smiling at me. My hand in hers. The child returns to my room followed by the boy and a doctor, tests are done the doctor asks me what his name is and I reply to him. 'Dr. Mathis.' He nods appreciatively. 'You can take her home later this afternoon Haruka.' He says to the boy I assume I'm in a relationship with. The group quickly attend to packing my room, the child mostly cuddling in my bed, my arms around her, she sleeps. Long after lunch a nurse informs us that I may be discharged, Haruka fills out all of my paperwork as Setsuna helps me into a wheel chair, Hotaru on my lap I'm wheeled from the hospital room to the parking lot and assisted into a yellow sports car.

'Is this yours?' I ask looking at Haruka.

'It is.' He replies kicking it into gear as we speed down the road. It isn't long before we're in front of a large apartment building. Hotaru jumps out of the car, I panic a little for her safety but Setsuna is already ahead of me. 'Hotaru, don't do that you could get hurt.'

'I'm sorry Setsuna-mama.' She says quietly. Setsuna and Haruka take my bags as Hotaru takes my hand and leads me into the building. The door man waves at me happily greeting me 'welcome home miss Michiru.' He says to me. The name is still unfamiliar but I smile at him. The child gently pulls me into the elevator and pushes the button.

'Shouldn't we wait?' I ask as the door close.

'No, they'll be along.' She says to me and I wonder how old she is. Our ride seems long; I watch the numbers glow above finally stopping on the letter P.

'Okay.' She giggles pulling me out of the elevator and down the hall. She pulls out a key from her small pocket and unlocks the door. 'Welcome home Mama.' She grins letting me slowly walk in behind her. The apartment is vast; it looks as though it is two apartments renovated together. I walk around touching everything; there are pictures all over the place. Pictures of a family I muse stopping to stare at one, I recognize Haruka standing behind Hotaru, I assume the girl next to them is me, same hair. I wander around looking at pictures and touching things until I hear the other two arrive. 'Welcome home.' Haruka says to me setting my bags down, I pick up a picture from the table next to the couch and stare at it. Haruka is standing next to the girl I figure is me, his arms around me, we look happy.

'I think I'll keep Hotaru at my place for a while longer.' I hear Setsuna offer. Haruka says something to her and Hotaru whines a little.

'It's for the best.' Haruka says coming down to Hotaru's level. 'When you come home Mama might remember more.' The child lets a few tears out, but agrees she rushes to me throwing her arms around my hips. I crouch down to her, she kisses me softly and I can feel the brush of her long eye lashes.

'I love you mama. Get better okay.' She says matter of factly. Before running to the side of Setsuna.

'We'll visit.' Setsuna adds before disappearing behind the door.

'We live here?' I say setting the picture back on the table.

'We do. Hotaru lives here most of the time. She stays at Setsuna's a lot too though.'

'And she's our daughter?' I feel almost nauseated as I ask the question.

'In a way, she's biologically not but we love her and care for her as if she were.' Haruka answers me and I like the way he speaks. Straight, to the point.

'And we're.'

'We are.'

'I'm sorry.' I say feeling tears stream down my face. He's next to me now and I can feel him battling whether to hold me or not.

'Don't be.' He says deciding not. 'None of this is your fault Michiru. We don't blame you, you shouldn't.' I spend the rest of the night looking at everything. I wander around the apartment Haruka informs me I decorated. I touch everything; I look at each picture hoping for a memory, one of them sparking my past. It's of no use; I yawn harshly and blush slightly. 'I set you up in the guest room.' Haruka says to me.

'No.' I protest. 'I want to sleep in my bed.' I say. He looks at me strangely but nods and leads me to the room we so obviously share. It was the one room, I hadn't been in yet. I wander around it like a child at the fair, wonderment at everything. I pick up a mirror on the vanity and realize I had yet to see myself. I make a face at the beauty staring back at me, indeed matching the woman in the pictures. My hair is a strange aqua color, my eyes match.

'Beautiful isn't it?' Haruka says from the bathroom door, he's standing in boxers and a tank top covered loosely with his robe. I glance at him and blush before moving from the mirror to the closet pulling it open. I stare a minute at the amount of dresses and skirts, neatly hung next to slacks and shirts. Haruka crosses the room and crawls into bed. I touch my clothing, trying desperately to remember anything. 'You're nightgown is hanging in the bathroom. Do you need help?'

'No, I went through all that kind of stuff with Setsuna.' I explain closing the doors to the closet and walking to where the bathroom was. I close the door behind me and close my eyes. Nothing seemed to be helping; I couldn't remember any of these things. My things. Tears streamed down my face and I reached around for Kleenex. I washed my face and applied the lotions Setsuna had told me about; grateful I could remember everything from that day. I slipped into the only night dress in the bathroom and pulled the door open, Haruka was sitting up, reading. I flicked off the light and made my way to the bed lifting back the covers and getting in.

'What if I don't remember anything tomorrow?' I ask staring up at the ceiling.

'Then we'll start over.' Haruka replies closing his book and flicking off the light. Being next to him I feel safe. I fall asleep uneasy, the stresses of my first day at home over whelming me.


	3. Chapter 3

A light breeze is flowing over me; I open my eyes trying to register where I am

A light breeze is flowing over me; I open my eyes trying to register where I am. Home, bed, Haruka. I remember. I toss the blankets off of my body and wander into the bathroom; I pull a robe from the hanger and wash my face and hands. I follow the hallway to the stairs and make my way to the kitchen. I pull open cupboards and drawers unsure what I'm looking for, but I'm looking. 'Morning.' I hear behind me a raspy sleepy voice. I turn to see Haruka, he looks different.

'Hi.' I say unsure what about him isn't the same.

'I was worried.' He says to me running a hand through his hair.

'Sorry, I woke up and wanted to explore some more.'

'Tea?' he asks.

'Please.' I nod and he grabs a large round object. 'Kettle.' He says to me noticing I'm staring.

'Right.' I say as if I knew all along.

'Have a seat at the table, I'll bring it to you.' He flashes me a smile and I feel my insides melt a little. I nod at him and head for the table. He brings me my tea and a book, inside are photos. 'You just finished this before the accident.' He explains and I look at him, something is defiantly different about him this morning. I stare a little looking him up and down, slowly the realization comes to me.

'You're a girl.' I hear myself, I'm mixed with shock and confusion.

'I am.' Haruka says, her tone is fixed, straight. 'I guess I didn't really tell you that part.'

'I'm sorry. I.' I start but I'm lost for what to say, the photos show me we're a couple, the questions in my mind are still uneasy.

'It's alright.' Haruka frowns softly, I don't like this look.

'I didn't mean for it to sound like that.' I say unsure of what exactly I meant.

'How could it have sounded.' She asks getting up from the table and taking her cup, with mine to the sink. I find myself deep in thought after her words, I'm only brought back when her hand is on my shoulder 'will you be alright then?' she says finishing her sentence.

'Yes fine.' I answer not sure exactly what she means.

'Then I'm going to get some groceries and stop by work. I won't be long. This is the phone, and my number is programmed.' She shows me how to use the phone and what to do if I need her. She also shows me that Setsuna's number is programmed also, just in case. I nod and walk with her to the door. She grabs her keys and is gone in a flash, a feeling takes over me. I'm alone.

I turn the taps of the sink picking up the cups and rinsing them, I have the TV on trying to catch as much of the world as I can. The phone is ringing but I'm to scared to answer it, I hear a voice pick up, it's a machine the voice is Haruka's telling the caller we're not home. I hear a new voice leaving a message, joy is filled as the voice welcomes me home and warns that I not over do it. The name is unfamiliar, Usagi?

I move from the kitchen up the stairs and into my bedroom, pulling on a dress from my closet, I assume it's mine since it fits and feels right. From my bedroom I wander into the music room, or so I was informed. I pick up the violin that was apparently mine, I look it over wondering if I could play. I life the bow and bring it across the strings, a horrible screeching sound fills the room. Alas I can not. I replace the instrument back into it's case and wander to the paintings, mine also I've been told. I linger in this room, letting the feeling of it attempt to jog memories that don't seem to exist. I follow the hall to Hotaru's room, it's a lovely shade of purple, it matches her eyes. I sit on the bed and pick up the photo next to me. A group of people are surrounding the child, I recognize only Hotaru, Haruka and Setsuna. A small girl stands next to Hotaru her hair is vibrant and pink two large buns are pulled aside with her access hair spilling around them. Above her a blond shares the same style, her hair a golden hue. Next to the blond is a man, his hair black and his arm around the two. Haruka stands next to the man, her hand on Hotaru's shoulder, I'm next to Haruka, my arms enfolding with hers, smiles wide on our faces. Behind me stands Setsuna, she's the tallest of the group, her face is nearly blank. Next to me stands a bright girl, shorter hair, tinted blue. Beside her another blond, her hair just as long and her smile is unforgiving, she's full of joy I decide. The last two girls have darker hair, one has her hair pulled back high into a pony tail, next to her, the last girl long black hair and a strange look on her face. I take the picture out of the frame hoping for more information on the back. I'm let down, the back is blank. I take the picture with me as I roam through the rest of the apartment. I'm looking through magazines that are neatly placed on the table in front of the couch when Haruka comes in, she carries bags of groceries and I rush to help her. We bring things into the kitchen and she shows me where everything goes. 'Someone named Usagi called.' I say pointing to the answering machine. Haruka frowns a little and I find that I can't read her at all.

'Did you have a good day?' she asks me and I pull out the picture I took from Hotaru's room.

'Who are these people?' I ask.

'Those are our friends.' She said, she seems unsure about her answer.

'Alright.' I say gently pushing the photo towards her. She takes it with a sigh and begins telling me who everyone is.

'That's Hotaru's best friend, Chibi-usa' she starts pointing to the girl with the pink hair. 'Chibi-usa's family is Mamoru and Usagi.'

'Father and Mother?' I ask.

'Something like that.' She says to me and I don't fully understand.

'Next to you is Ami, Minako, then Makoto and Rei.' She says pointing the each of the girls in the photo.

'So Usagi phoned today.' I say half answering myself.

'So it seems.' Haruka nods. Her temperament has changed and I'm worried.

'Haruka.' I start, unsure of what I plan to say, wishing I knew more about the blond.

'Michiru.' She says to me, the distance between us seems to grow.

'I'm sorry about this morning.' I say my heart full of hope and I don't understand why.

'I'm sorry to. I should have said something.'

'I don't understand how things are and the last thing I want to do is push away the people who care for me.' I say tears beginning to well. 'I can see from every picture that you care for me, please don't be mad.' The tears win their battle with my eyes and begin to escape down my cheeks. Haruka is next to me, her arms around me and I feel safe once more.

'Don't cry.' She says. 'I hate when you cry.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Stop saying your sorry Michiru. You haven't done anything wrong.' She scolds me softly, her arms still around me. I lean into her tucking my head under her chin, I wrap my arms around her waist the way I must have done hundreds of times before, it feels natural. We stay like that for a while relaxing I find myself becoming more aware of myself in her. 'Are you hungry.' She says, pulling me away from her slightly.

'I am.' I say just realizing that I truly am. She lets go of me and heads for the kitchen, I feel cool now without her.

'I don't usually cook.' She announces from the kitchen.

'That means I do?' I ask joining her.

'You did.' She nods pulling some meat out of the fridge. I watch her mouth as she talks and something in me shivers, I like the feeling. 'I'll make your favorite.' She laughs.

'Why is it funny?' I ask

'Because you hate how I make it, and since you don't remember what it tastes like, you might enjoy it.' She explains still laughing, I join her, it's funny. She busies herself in the kitchen making something I find smells wonderful. I sit at the table watching, casually admiring her frame, steeling glances at her as she works. Soon she's at the table setting a plant before me. I look at it, it looks good, I think. I pick up my fork and poke the food raising the bite to my mouth, she is watching me intently. I place the food into my mouth and chew, I like the way it tastes. 'It's good.' I say after swallowing. She laughs again, I like her laugh it calms me. We eat chatting about her day, I find out she's a race car driver, she tells me about her racing. I listen catching each word she gives me and storing it somewhere safe. I help her clear the dishes she sends me into the living room while she washes them. 'That's always my job.' She informs me and I comply. She joins me soon in the living room sitting on the couch across from the chair I've taken. 'Some things are just automatic huh.' She comments.

'What do you mean?' I ask her.

'You sat in that chair, just as you always have before. Not even knowing that you always have before.' She says to me and I blush slightly agreeing some things must be automatic. 'The doctor says that's a good sign that you'll regain your memory.' She adds.

'Will I.' I say. 'What if I don't?'

'Then you don't we start over.'

'And we loose all of the wonderful time we had together.' I said part of me assuming we had wonderful times.

'And those that were not so.' She says to me her eyes dancing over me. I can feel her gaze on me and I enjoy it.

'Tell me.' I say. 'Tell me about us.' I can feel her blushing though I am not looking at her, to embarrassed to make eye contact at my own request.

'What do you want to know?' she asks slowly each word coming out on their own.

'Anything.' I reply too quickly.

'Michiru.' She says almost a question but not quiet.

'Just anything, I want to know. I see the pictures, I see how we are. I see how you look at me.' I pause for a moment. 'Please Haruka. I need to know.' I stand from the chair that is apparently my favorite and make my way to the couch, sitting next to her. She looks at me, her eyes are confused and I can see that. I wonder if there is pain hidden there.

'Alright.' She finally agrees seeing my intent. 'I don't really know how to explain this to you.' She starts obviously searching her mind for the right words. 'All of it might be a bit shocking.' I make myself comfortable looking at her to continue. An hour passes and I'm enthralled, the things she's telling me are unbelievable and I laugh at a comment she has made obviously she's very serious and I cover my mouth. I was a warrior, a soldier defending a world I couldn't remember from an evil that caused me to forget. We had died saving our princess and when we were brought back, I couldn't remember a thing. She explains, she shows me pictures of our lives pictures that had been hidden from me, we're in a strange outfit I'm holding a mirror she's next to me holding a sword. I laugh to myself seeing her in such a short skirt. 'Not my choice.' She says noticing my eyes tracing her in the picture.

'The girls in the picture then.' I muse 'the other senshi.' She nods and I smile, I may not remember them but I'm sure they are kind. Haruka yawns and I frown, it's well into the night and I've been selfishly keeping her. 'We should go to bed.' I suggest, she looks at me and without a word stands and heads for the stairs. I follow. Once in our room, I change into the nightgown I wore the night prior, I'm lying in bed far before she is out of the bathroom, my insides are turning she emerges her hair damp she is again wearing a tank top and boxer shorts and I wonder how I could have missed her feminine figure the night before. She crawls into the bed next to me, instinctively I turn to her, my mind is racing and I long to close the gap between us. She looks at me, I can see the questioning in her deep blue eyes. I lean forward to her, only to have her hands on my shoulders pulling me away. 'Not yet.' She says. 'You're still so confused.' I know what she's saying is for the best as I can see the disappointment in her eyes. I nod slowly in the dark and rest my head on her shoulder wrapping my arms around her. She holds me tight granting me little access. I fall asleep fast, drifting into a dream world I long to remember.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning light is streaming into the room, I open my eyes slowly she still holds me I smile

The morning light is streaming into the room, I open my eyes slowly she still holds me I smile. I glance next to her at the clock, it's late I debate leaving the bed and decide I'd rather relax in her arms a little while longer. I try to think of times before today that she held me, nothing comes no memories. I feel her stirring next to me and hold my breath a little, she falls back into her slumber and I let out my breath slowly. I look at her, somewhere in my mind I love her, I run my eyes over her face and down her body, she's curled over me, protective. I try to imagine making love to her, kissing the lips that give me shivers, running my hands through her short blond hair. I feel warm as I picture the act, something in me remembers. 'You're staring' she says and I'm shocked she's awake.

'Sorry.' I stammer my face burning hot with embarrassment. Her eyes meet mine, they are kind. 'Don't be' she says pulling me even closer to her, if it were possible.

'What day is it?' I ask, some things I am remembering, like what a kettle looks like and how to use a phone. I remember the days of the week and the hours on the clock. Simple things are easily coming back to me.

'Saturday.' Haruka says through a yawn and a stretch. I feel naked without her arms around me, but she tosses the blankets off of herself and makes her way to the bathroom. 'Hotaru will visit today.' She calls from behind the door.

'Really.' I say letting in the excitement. 'With Setsuna.' Haruka emerges from the bathroom. 'Yea.' She says to me, I toss the blankets off and exchange places with her, she complains behind the door I've closed and I realize she wasn't finished brushing her teeth. I open the door slightly before stepping into the shower. She pushes her way in and spits into the sink before playfully flushing the toilet sending a rush of cold water over me. I shriek and she laughs.

I climb out of the shower sorry to leave the water, I feel at home with in the damp. I dress again in a loose house dress from my closet now sure the skirts and dresses are mine. I wander downstairs and into the kitchen, Haruka has made tea and toast, mine is waiting for me at the table. She smiles at me as I take my seat and I smile back, it's quiet and I like that today. I eat my toast and drink my tea not so much as asking a single question, I watch her though, she reads the news paper, biting her toast, she has jam on the corner of her mouth and my mind tells me to kiss it away. I don't move and she soon realizes it, brushing her tongue against it. I hear the faint sound of rustling at the door followed by a loud hello and the patter of running. 'Mama.' Hotaru calls rushing from the door into the living room and from the living room to the kitchen where we sit. She lands with her head in my lap, her arms around my waist.

'Hotaru.' I greet blushing at the embrace.

'Are you better.' She asks me.

'A bit.' I answer letting her crawl into my lap. 'I haven't forgotten anything since I came home.' I say to her. She beams up at me, her violet eyes speaking words she doesn't say. She's scared I will forget her.

'Should we leave you?' I hear Haruka, she's glancing at Setsuna.

'You don't have to.' I say, but Hotaru is busy nodding. Haruka laughs the same easy laugh I've grown to enjoy. She takes our dishes and places them in the sink joining Setsuna who has stayed near the door. 'We'll bring you lunch.' She announces before taking her keys off of their hook and leaving us alone. Part of me is glad for the time with my child, and part of me is hiding in fear.

'Mama.' Hotaru starts she's crawled off of my lap and is now sitting on the floor looking up at me.

'Yes.' I say to her, still unsure of the title.

'Has Papa told you everything?' her tone is so adult, she is much older in mind then in years I decide.

'You mean Haruka?' I ask.

'Of course.' She laughs and it makes sense to me.

'Yes, she's told me lots of things.'

'About me?' she asks her gaze shifting to the floor.

'What about you should I know?' I ask, feeling as if I could collapse under the pressure I feel.

'Do you love me?' she asks me, I'm relieve that I have an answer. 'I do.' I say to her. 'I could never forget that.' And it wasn't a lie; somewhere deep in my soul I knew I loved her. I knew she was as much a part of me as Haruka was.

'I missed you mama.' She cries her head against my shoulder, her tears making my dress damp against my neck. She pulls away from me only to look at me closer; I smile at her our eyes meeting. 'How much longer do I have to stay at Setsuna-mama's?' she asks me.

'I don't know. Until I feel more like myself I guess.' I say to her, I can tell this isn't the answer she was looking for. 'Do you not like it there?'

'No, its fine.' she frowns only slightly. 'Setsuna-mama isn't as fun as you and papa.' she explains. 'I have to study and do homework, even when there is no school. I don't get to play, and she doesn't tuck me in like you do.'

'I'm sorry.' I say to her, and I truly am. She looks beyond me at the photo album Haruka had given me.

'Mama, remember.' she starts pulling out one of the pictures. It is of the four of us, we're in a park. She begins to describe the day to me and I close my eyes.

_The park is crowded, more so then usual. Families gathering together for a day to picnic and frolic. Hotaru is running ahead calling back to us as the wind wraps around her, tossing her hair and her dress forward. Haruka breaks her arm away from me and chases after the girl, grabbing her and spinning around. The wind is full of laughter then._

I shake my head, unsure if what I saw was a memory or just good story telling by Hotaru. It seemed so real.

'We're home.' Haruka calls from the door, Hotaru jumps from my lap rushing to her papa.

'How was that?' Setsuna asks Hotaru who only smiles. We eat lunch together quietly, Hotaru is staring at me with each bite she takes, she knows something. 'Alright hime-chan lets get some more of your clothes and head home.'

'Okay.' Hotaru says with a short nod, she rushes from the table to her bedroom, she returns with a small bag, full of clothes. 'When mama is better, I'll be home.' she announces to her things. Haruka hugs her tightly, before I too take a turn. 'I love you mama.' she says to me.

'I love you too Hotaru.' I reply to her. Once she's gone I feel a bit of emptiness, without a word I head for my room closing the door behind me. I want to cry, I wish I could remember. Haruka leaves me, she must know. I stay in my room for hours, pacing around yearning for anything. A shimmer, a sign, a single memory. I smell my clothes and Haruka's; I push my face to the floor to check under our bed, finding only a box that is full of chocolate. I eat some as I reach for boxes above my clothes, I open each one slowly my room is a mess and I am none the wiser.

'What are you looking for?' Haruka asks softly standing in the door frame. I'm on the floor now, surrounded by boxes, chocolate staining the corners of my mouth, tears freely flowing down my face.

'My life.' I answer sobbing. She is next to me in seconds, her arms around me. I fall into her, my emotions escaping. 'I just want to remember, I just want to feel normal.'

'You will.' she says to me, she believes it so I do. I hold on to her as if I were falling she helps me to stand and I lean on to her as we walk back into the living room, she helps me sit on the couch and I nearly pass out. She brings me dinner and retreats to our bedroom; I assume she's cleaning up the mess I've left. She isn't gone long and when she returns she is dressed for bed and smiling at me.

'I'm sorry.' I say to her my focus on the floor. 'I made such a mess.'

'How do you feel?' she asks and I sense a bit of amusement in her voice.

'Fine.' I answer without to much thought.

'You ate a lot of chocolate.' she laughs.

'I did?' I ask now looking at her.

'You did.' She is again next to me, helping me to our room. I want so badly to touch her, to thank her for being so kind to me. For loving me. I look at her, begging our eyes to meet, for her to read my thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

'You did

'You did.' She is again next to me, helping me to our room. I want so badly to touch her, to thank her for being so kind to me. For loving me. I look at her, begging our eyes to meet, for her to read my thoughts. They don't. She leaves me in the bathroom and I change into my night gown. 'Haruka.' I say stepping into the dim light of the room.

'Mm?' she replies not looking up from her reading. I figure it's now or never, my body can't take much more wanting without reward. 'Do you find me attractive?' I ask wondering where I heard the words, remembering the TV from yesterday. Her eyes stay on her book. 'I do.' she says. I believe I can see her blushing but with the light dim I'm unsure. 'And we're more then just bed fellows.' I ask trying not to sound as nervous as I was, she continued to watch her book rather then me, this aggravated me. 'We are.' she says. I decide to jump; if I can't swim at least I'll sink to the bottom knowing I tried. 'Will you make love to me?' I manage. Her eyes dart from the book to me, and I feel a sense of accomplishment. She has still not answered me when I reach our bed; her face seems frozen in shock. 'Is that a no?' I ask my tone light. She blinks once, then again before answering. 'I don't think it's a good idea.' she manages. I ignore her resting my knees next to her, leaning towards her my mouth so close to hers. 'Do you.' I say. 'You don't think it might help?' she swallows hard searching for an exit.

'I'm not sure.' she replies slipping out of our bed, my mouth just missing her. 'I'm sure.' I offer looking at her. I can see the strain in her face now that I'm closer to the light. She's fighting an inner battle. 'Please' I say, knowing the pain I'm causing her and caring little for it. 'Haruka.' I stand now and join her as she paces around the room, much as I had done just hours before. I take her hand stopping her mid-step. She looks at me, her beautiful navy eyes twinkling with fear and love. 'What could it hurt?' I ask.

'What if it's too soon?' she asks me. I don't have an answer; I look at her my eyes certain, my tone plain. 'I want you to.' I say. She sighs heavy taking me into her arms our mouths finally meeting. Hers is warm and she tastes like tea and honey. she breaks the embrace before I'm ready for her to, she leaves me standing in the middle of our room as she disappears into the bathroom, door closed and locked. 'Haruka.' I call, without an answer I stand for a few more minutes, then return to our bed. Alone. I lay waiting for her, glancing at the clock every so often counting the time she'd been away. Finally she emerges, I try not to move, to let her think I am asleep. She doesn't fall for it, she is kneeling next to me, my hand in hers. 'I'm sorry.' I say to her, the phrase quickly becoming mine alone.

'No. I'm sorry.' she looks at me, the moonlight catching her light hair.

'I'm so lucky.' I say to her. 'I get to discover all of you all over, where you lose the person you loved.' as I say it I realize why she left me.

'You're not lost.' she says to me and I can see she'd been crying.

'I am lost Haruka, but you're helping me.' I try to comfort her. She kisses my hand softly, sending shivers through my body.

'It pains me that I can't make you better.' she breaks down a little, bowing her head away from me, still holding my hand. 'I was supposed to protect you.'

'And now your punish yourself?' I ask, things are becoming much clearer.

'Why should I know such joy, when you are trapped in that hell?' she demands, not really of me, but of the world in general. I smile at her, my free hand lingering in her blond hair. 'Because you are bringing me such joy. I know only four things for certain Haruka.' I say. 'I know that Hotaru loves me, I know that I love Hotaru and I know that I love you and I know that you love me.' she looks at me then, I lean forward taking her lips with my own.

She accepts my mouth, her hands now cupping my face as she deepens the kiss, I feel her tongue against my lips, more shivers attack my body. We stay like that a while, she's tall enough to reach my lips from her place kneeling before me, but her legs get tired and she breaks away from me. She crawls over me to her side of the bed, I turn with her watching her eyes, I can see that she wants me. With both of us now sitting in the bed I lean to her again, my lips feel swollen against hers our kiss becomes less formal and more wanting, my hands move to her waist pulling up her tank top, I seem to be moving on instinct. I brush against her flesh and she moans against my lips, before she takes my hands away from her waist and crawls over me her legs straddling my hips. She gently pushes me so I'm lying down, our lips have yet to part, she lets go of my hands and works at pulling my night gown up and over my head, our lips part for the fabric but resume the kiss as soon as my gown is tossed to the floor. I laugh a little mimicking her kisses, my tongue softly fighting with hers. She moves her mouth away from mine, pressing her lips to my neck, trailing kisses from one side to the other, her tongue teasing my flesh her left arm propping her above me slightly, her right hand caressing my sides, running from my hip to my breast, my skin reacting, my nipples hard, I push my hips into hers and feel her smile against my neck as she continues her soft torture. Her mouth staggers down my neck and to my chest capturing my breast. I can't help my wrap my hands around the sheets in uncomfortable pleasure, she sucks, nipples and plays her tongue against the soft flesh of my breast before she moves her body and her mouth further south. She touches my warmth with her hands first, her mouth soon follows and I find myself blind with lust, ripples of heat waving over me I call out her name and her mouth is on mine again, I can taste myself on her and I take it in. My mind is spinning, my body is hot and damp and tingling. She is holding me tight, my head resting against her chest, she's still clothed. I decide this isn't a good thing, I begin the same sensual assault she had just performed on me, I lift her shirt brushing my lips to the hard flesh that is her abdomen. 'No.' she says her tone is soft and loving. I raise my eyes to her, the sun is starting to peak. 'No?' I ask.

'No.' she says again pulling away from me a little. I ignore her, placing my lips again on her stomach, she moves but I grab her and wordlessly continue my wage. Her voice is louder next .'Michiru.' I sigh and look up at her. 'Why.' I ask, hurt her face is a mixture of emotions.

'Because.' She answers as if I were a child, I pout. And I refuse.

'You don't want me to.' I ask placing my hands against the same skin I'd been kissing.

'I don't need you to.' She says. In the dim light I can see that she's looking away from me. Somewhere in my soul I long to give her the same pleasure she'd just given me. And I again ignore her, pressing my lips to her stomach, pushing her shirt up with my hand and cupping her breast.

'I need to.' I say between kisses. I feel her body tense as I spread my kisses from her stomach to her breast and from there to her neck, I take her lips last softly sucking her bottom before I make my way to her center. I caress, kiss and lick until she is too powerless to stop me, she is the one now clinging to the sheets for support, I feel her body shake with the final wave and I feel good. I crawl back into her arms, tired and happy we fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up easy, slowly coming out of my dreams

I wake up easy, slowly coming out of my dreams. Dreams I don't recognize but enjoy watching, like a movie. I'm alone in bed, and the sheets are slightly damp a reminder of our night, I smile. I roll out of bed and slip into my robe, letting it caress my naked body. I wander down stairs feeling as though I'm on a cloud, Haruka is sitting at the table, she's also naked under her robe. I pour some tea and sit across from her, I stare at her this morning as she reads her paper, and I don't care. She looks at me more then once before folding her paper and looking back at me. 'You're staring.' She says to me.

'I am.'

'Why?' she asks laughing a little. 'Didn't you see enough?'

'Never.' I say and she chokes a little on her tea.

'I have to go to work for a little bit today.' She says. 'one of the cars is acting up.' I nod at her and she gets up from her chair, she takes the long way around the table stopping to kiss me. I follow her to our bedroom, I feel like I need to be near her. 'How long will you be?' I ask as she changes.

'An hour, maybe more.'

'Alright.' I frown, an hour without her seems like an eternity now.

'How about we meet Hotaru in the park when I get home?' she offers exiting the bathroom, now fully dressed and clean. She kisses me softly and I can taste her tooth paste.

'Yes please.' I reply leaning up to her for another kiss, enjoying my new found life.

'Alright, we'll call her when I get back. If she knows before hand she'll drive Setsuna to the loony bin.' She tosses her hand in a wave and disappears down the stairs. I shower and dress, taking longer then I should but not caring. I wander back into the room where my violin sits. I stare at it, part of my longing to pick it up. I life it to my neck cradling it between my chin and my shoulder. I raise the bow to the strings fearful of the last horrid sound it made. I drag the bow across, a sound, not beautiful but not nearly as piercing escapes from the instrument and I try again, and again. My head begins to hurt, I feel as if I've been hit in the stomach, I fall the violin leaving my grip, I hit the ground. Hard.

'_There is a girl in my school, she wants to ride with you along the shore line'_

'_Haruka, don't. you're life will never be the same.'_

'_Help them? They could never understand Haruka. We must search for the talisman.'_

'_A world without Haruka, is not a world worth saving.' _

'_I love you Haruka.' _

'_I want to touch you one last time' _

'_Serenity has saved us, we've been reborn. But we are charged with caring for Hotaru. Please Haruka. Please.' _

I remember.


	7. Chapter 7

My eyes slowly open, I'm in bed

My eyes slowly open, I'm in bed. Haruka is next to me, her snoring is soft I close my eyes again remembering the first time I shared her bed. she had stayed awake the whole night scared her snoring would keep me awake. I laugh at this now, slipping out of the bed and pulling on my robe realizing I'd been wearing the wrong once since I had been home. I make my way to the kitchen pulling open the fridge and frowning, not a healthy thing in it. 'What were you thinking.' I ask Haruka silently. I pull out some of her favorite breakfast fixings and begin cooking. The smell of morning soon made its way through the apartment and I could hear Haruka stirring. I placed a plate on the table for her, pouring myself some tea and sitting with the news paper, our morning routine once again clear to me. She takes her seat at the table, looking at her breakfast skeptically. 'You cooked.' She asks filling her fork and shoveling it into her mouth. I don't reply to her, I merely stare at her from over the paper. Once she's finished eating she retreats to the kitchen to clean the dishes.

'I'll help' I offer grabbing a cloth to dry the dishes. Haruka grabs a handful of soap bubbles and blows them into my face. 'Hey!' I protest softly. 'What?' Haruka asks going back to washing the dishes, acting as if nothing had happened.

'Two can play that game.' I warn grabbing the hose from the sink and spraying water all over her. 'That isn't fair.' Haruka screams grabbing for the hose I duck and run dropping the spraying hose and heading for the bedroom. Haruka follows me drenched and dripping. 'Haruka you're getting everything wet.' I laugh closing the door to the bedroom. I sit there a moment, waiting to hear her knock, I'm shocked when she grabs me from behind. 'No you're all wet!' I laugh protesting as Haruka lifts me off the ground and onto the bed 'Get off, we don't want wet sheets!' Haruka looks at me, there is a light in her eyes, her blond hair falls in wet clumps around her face, blue eyes glistening with love, joy and mischief.

'We don't?' she asks, taking my lips.

'We don't.' I laugh.

'I guess I'd better get off then.' She teases pulling me closer to her. I had missed the carefree Haruka.

'I love you Haruka.' I say to her. My face straight, my tone serious. With or without my memory I love her.

'I love you too.' She says. I look at her, my face turned from straight to shock.

'I remember.' I whisper before kissing her. 'I remember everything.' I run my hand through her wet hair. She looks at me.

'Everything?'

'Yes.'

'Oh Michiru.' She moans pulling me closer to her, we are almost one. She kisses me my lips, my cheeks, my neck. 'I was so worried.' She says breaking down a little.

'It's alright now.' I say holding her close, stroking her neck. She's crying now and my heart is breaking for her.


	8. Chapter 8

'Mama

'Mama!' Hotaru shouts waving at me. It had been months since I left the hospital, months since I'd regained my memories. Our happy family was once again whole. We no longer had the threat of the world ending to worry about, our main focus in life was Hotaru. Haruka was chasing her again, the child a few steps ahead but not for long, Haruka grabs her and spins her around. 'No.' she laughs.

'Haruka be careful.' I shout at them walking slowly behind.

'Those two.' Setsuna laughs.

'I love them.' I say.

'Me too.' She agrees and we carry the basket to the park watching Haruka and Hotaru play. Usagi, Mamoru, Minako and Makoto are already seated, Rei and Ami are pushing Chibi-Usa on the swings. My life is once again mine. And I plan to live it exactly as I please. Surrounded by the people I love and who love me.


End file.
